


under the lights

by birdsons



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 01:05:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdsons/pseuds/birdsons
Summary: "And she misses Cracker, she misses her all the time, but it can get so exhausting at times."





	under the lights

**Author's Note:**

> one year on a writing hiatus and i'm back with this mess of a fic i wrote at 2 am, spent 2 weeks editing, and am posting at 4 am. this is the product of sleep deprivation, energy drinks and listening to one direction in the middle of the night. please leave feedback and also come yell at me on tumblr (@aquacker) about miz cracker if you want!

It was a bad fucking idea, Aquaria thinks.

She was feeling particularly lonely that night. While she was getting the much-deserved sleep during the day, her friends decided to go out for lunch. Which, well, it's what happens quite a lot when you're a drag queen and so are all your closest friends. She wasn't upset about _that_ , not really.

She was lonely, though. And staying in her apartment was only getting more unbearable with every second. So, she decided to go out.

And, alright, _that_ was a mistake.

The club's filled to the brim with people. The air is too hot and sticky, even for Aquaria's liking, and she can't spot anyone she more or less knows. Going somewhere because she was lonely, only to still feel this way except now surrounded by strangers wasn't the brightest idea and she regrets it almost immediately.

She's ready to just give up and leave when she hears the small crowd gathered in front of the stage scream. She turns around, her heart in her mouth, as someone calls out Miz Cracker's name.

If there was a moment when Aquaria thought this night couldn't get any worse, well…

It just did.

She closes her eyes for a second, hoping that this is only a vivid dream and that when she opens them again she'll be back in her bed. And it's not that she hates Cracker, or even dislikes her. Hell, Aquaria can't even find her annoying no matter how hard she tries.

And that's exactly the problem.

The thing is, relationships and dating, in general, are definitely not something she's interested in at this point in her life. Or at least that's what she thought until she realized (or rather, her friends tormented her about it until she couldn't lie to herself anymore) she was wrong.

So, Aquaria definitely does want that, only with a specific person.

Becoming aware her feelings for Cracker being far from platonic admiration was hard. She wasn't too enthused about it, especially whenever she'd have to actually talk to her and pretend that everything was fine.  
  
But try as she might, Aquaria can't seem to be able to escape her. A part of her doesn't even want to. And maybe it's the boredom that's been eating her alive or a very sadistic part of her she wasn't even aware of that makes her do it, but she decides to stay.  
  
She orders the strongest drink she can get, wishing she had enough money for a whole bottle of vodka instead and goes to sit down. Finding a table that's not yet occupied is hard, so when she finally spots one with a good view on the stage but also far enough from it so that no one else can recognize her, she sighs in relief.

Watching Miz Cracker perform is mesmerising and Aquaria can't take her eyes off of her even for a second. She wants to blame the alcohol and weed she smoked earlier for her head feeling all foggy and dizzy but she knows it's a lie, at least partially.

She chooses to ignore her heart skipping a beat every time Cracker as much as looks her way or beams at the crowd and lets herself enjoy this. She takes in her every move, every word, and tries to memorize it. Besides, it’s not like she can spot Aquaria in the far corner of the room, so she doesn't try to control herself as much this time.

Before she knows it, the show's over and her stomach sinks in disappointment. And just as she's considering if she should go home or get another drink... well. Aquaria is not sure if the universe is looking out for her or if it's just being exceptionally cruel tonight.

She hears someone call her name and goes to look up from her phone, annoyed. Standing right there in front of her is Miz Cracker herself, a bright smile lighting up her whole face.

Aquaria's heart leaps into her throat.  
  
"Didn't know you’re here, girl. Why didn't you say something?" she inquires, and before Aquaria can say anything she's pulled into a tight hug.

Her arms wrap around Cracker's waist without even realizing, and if she was more dramatic (or had five more drinks) she would've come up with some cliché way to describe the strange feeling in her chest. But since she's neither of those things, she only pulls Cracker even closer and takes a moment to relish in the feeling of her small body pressed tightly against her.  
  
She doesn't want to let go but Cracker, most likely unable to read her mind like any human being, starts to pull away all too soon. Aquaria misses something more than just her warmth, then.

Miz Cracker leaves for a brief moment to buy herself a drink and then settles down next to Aquaria. They start talking about the show, and it’s too easy, Aquaria thinks. She's never been able to relax and be herself around many people, let alone talk with them for hours without ever running out of things to say.

It also reminds her of why she's been trying so hard to avoid Cracker. She loves every minute she gets to spend with her but it's never enough for her. They always part their ways, sooner or later, and Aquaria goes from radiating joy to brooding for days. And she misses Cracker, she misses her all the time, but it can get so exhausting at times, especially since she's known for being rather... affectionate with her friends.

Something in Aquaria aches every time she touches her arm or laughs at her own jokes (her eyes crinkle and Aquaria feels like she's about to flatline). And as the time passes and they order more drinks, she seems to be unable to keep her hands to herself for even a minute.

So, she freaks out and excuses herself, almost running off in the direction of the toilets. Once inside, she locks herself in one of the stalls and runs her fingers through her hair, her breath shaky and uneven.

She tries to think of anything else just to calm down. No matter how much effort she puts into it, though, she can't get the image of Cracker pushing her against the nearest wall and kissing the living shit out of her. At this point, she's starting to question her sanity and the reasoning behind her poor life choices.

And just when Aquaria has more or less regained the last bits of self-control, the door to the toilet opens. The last thing she'd expected to happen was Cracker coming here, and yet.

She swears under her breath when she hears her voice, calling for Aquaria.

Of fucking course this would happen.

She thinks, or hopes, rather, that if she stays quiet Cracker's going to leave her alone but that doesn't exactly work out.

"Listen, I know you’re here," Cracker babbles and for some reason, she sounds nervous or maybe even upset; Aquaria's not so sure. "Or at least I think I do," she continues, "so if it *is* you, please come out now, because if I am wrong then I'm-"

She doesn’t finish, her eyes immediately looking up at Aquaria as she leaves the stall, pressing herself against its cold surface. She gives Aquaria a piercing glance and it makes her feel so small. She wonders if there's anything she could ever say to make this mess of a situation better.

Miz Cracker looks angry and Aquaria doesn't understand, can't even come up with some explanation for her being here in the first place. It makes no sense, she thinks, for Cracker to get this worked up over her being gone for only a couple minutes.

And then Cracker’s face shifts. She looks worried all of a sudden and even though there’s still a hint of annoyance lingering in her eyes it's not at all hostile.

"Can you just-" she starts, taking a small step in Aquaria's direction, "please tell me what's wrong with you?"

Aquaria opens her mouth to speak, then closes it again, pressing her lips tightly together. There are many things she wishes she could just say to Cracker instead of bottling them all inside, but she's scared. Being rejected by a stranger is one thing and she could deal with it, but to risk losing a friend? Her heart clenches painfully at the thought.  
  
Cracker only sighs.

"I don't understand, Aquaria. I thought we were... friends," she says, hesitating for a moment, "then the next thing I know is you stop talking to me and I barely ever see you unless it's by accident," she ends her little rant and huffs, folding her arms across her chest. Aquaria can't help but think she looks adorable like this.

And also extremely hot, which definitely does not help her situation.

But what Cracker's just said makes her feel guilty. Mostly because she's being called out on her own bullshit, but also because it hits her just how wrong she's been this whole time. She was so convinced that Cracker didn't care, that she didn't even notice when Aquaria stopped talking to her and started distancing herself from her.

But she did.

"Look, if it's something I said or did, just- tell me. Whatever it is," Cracker pleads. There's something about the look on her face, so genuine and open, that makes this mental barrier in Aquaria break.

She forces herself off the door and takes one step forward, then another. Her legs feel heavy and unsteady and her heart is pounding in her chest. It feels like it takes forever for her to finally reach Cracker when it's only been a couple seconds. Still, when Aquaria finally comes to stand right in front of her, it doesn't matter.

The last thing she sees before she leans down is Cracker's confused look on her face. And then, Aquaria she kisses her.

Kissing Cracker for the first time in a dirty toilet at some club is not perfect and at any given moment someone could just walk in on them, but it *is* real, she thinks to herself. No matter how messy it is, that's exactly what makes it so much better than any of her dreams, no matter how realistic, could ever be.

At first, Cracker doesn't kiss back and for a split second Aquaria thinks she fucked everything up, this time for good. Then, she feels Cracker's hand moving up her body and rest on her neck, while the other hand settles on her waist, pulling her closer. She opens her mouth and Aquaria deepens the kiss, moaning softly as Cracker bites her lower lip.

She has no idea how she'd managed to go so long without doing this, and she's not sure what she'd do if it was to never happen again.

Aquaria's body feels so light, the feeling of her heart hammering in her chest and the beat of the music pulsating through the room all blending together. She feels like she'd float away if it wasn't for Cracker holding her tight in her arms.

Fear shoots through her body when Cracker breaks the kiss but she doesn't step back, just buries her face in the crook of Aquaria's neck and lets out a shaky breath, the warm air tickling her bare skin.

"You're an idiot," Cracker states, her voice low and raspy. Aquaria can't see her face but she's willing to bet there's a grin on her face, one that matches the tone of her voice.

"After you stole my looks and shit it's only fair I steal your brand," Aquaria deadpans, causing Cracker to chuckle lightly.

Aquaria threads her fingers through Cracker's blonde wig, careful not to pull it off, as silence falls between them.

"Looks like I stole something more from you than just that fucking yellow dress," Cracker teases but there's a touch of seriousness in her voice. Before Aquaria gets the chance to come up with some witty response, Cracker raises her head from Aquaria's shoulder and kisses her, slow and deep.

There's still so much they should, and will talk about at some point. And Aquaria doesn't know what the future will bring but as she's being led out of the toilet and then out of the bar entirely, Cracker holding her hand even as she orders them an Uber, she finds she doesn't care that much.


End file.
